egg yolk jam toast

holy cow!!! HI guys!!!!!!

i was flipping through my blog to see how long it’s been since i posted a recipe here, and can anyone guess how many weeks/months it’s been?…….over an entire year******.

………………………………………….like wow. where in the world did time actually go?

in honor of this post, i genuinely would like to know how the last year has been for you, so please do share in the comment section if you scroll all the way down or however you’d like to connect. or heck, email me!!! let’s get have morning coffee!!! I’ve really been wanting to have real human connection. Can you tell?

not that anyone asked or anything, but let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

i’ll tell you how things have been over the past year (& let’s not forget that the pandemic is still going on). for many of the days, it seemed like i woke up and was dumped into a muddy gray fog that i was expected to trudge through for the rest of the day. before the pandemic, more often than not, when i closed my eyes to think, there seemed to be this sort of expansiveness, and my mind felt like a kind and freeing enough place to dream dreams.

what happened!!!!

jk, i kind of sorted things out. you know that global pandemic? the one where millionsofpeoplepassedaway and thedisparityofwealthandprivilegeinthisworldbecameevenmoreapparent? oh, and let’s not forget those images of the history of hate and racism in our country marching around so proudly in this freaking day and age.

it made me so incredibly sad. especially when it seemed like there seemed to be no end to all the noise and heart break every single day. when i sunk into my own mind, i visualized a narrow hall crowded in with doors. some didn’t open, and others that led me into places i didn’t want to be.

ugh. escaping to instagram doom-scrolling, merman’s doomsday podcasts, and dumping my brain into mindless tiktoks also didn’t help either. lol.

this blog (dear saturdays), and talking about injeolmi and sesame (which by the way are still my favorites) flavored food and recipes at that time seemed like a frivolous thing to do, and i just didn’t feel like doing it anymore.

what is that suffocating unmotivated feeling called? depression? i legitimately googled it and ok, i’m going to self-diagnose myself right now:

• Feeling sad or having a depressed mood (me: yes)

• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed (me: uh yeah. absolutely. please reference the above)

• Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting (me: i did not shy away from eating)

• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (me: absolutely)

• Loss of energy or increased fatigue (me: yes)

• Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others) (me: haha omg guilty. i’ve worked out like 10 times in the past year)

• Feeling worthless or guilty (me: i really have to think about this one)

• Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions (me: yeeeaah)

TOTAL depression score: 7.5/8.

i ran to tell merman this after this realization. he, being his smarty pants self, said that “depression” is a spectrum some people have triggers while others struggle with it their whole lives. disclaimer, he is not a doctor. but yes, that makes sense because i, being my emotional being, was triggered so many times that i became a some version of depressed.

i asked him next: “if you could have done one thing differently, knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently during the pandemic?”. he said he probably would’ve given more thought about moving in with me during the pandemic. L o l.

i should have really reached back out to my therapist.

i don’t know where this blog post is going. it was ACTUALLY supposed to be a rosy post celebrating merman’s birthday and making him a meal that we only reserve as a treat for special occasions. or that i got engaged back in february. or that i moved apartments and i love it. and *not* sharing that MY MIND used to be a dumpster fire.

oh well. anything goes.

for now, and now that I’m back here in this space, my millennial self forgot how much I love blogging and how much it feels like home. this blog actually has really been a source of healing, especially when i was going through a bad break up and other things like dealing with toxic work environments.

i love cooking. and i love taking photos. and i love connecting with you out there in the internet in writing form. as always, thanks for being here with me and taking your time with me here.

i genuinely hope you don’t think im a psycho, and perhaps give this recipe a try (which is actually a riff off of merman’s, which is actually a riff of jean georges’ egg confit toast). it may be hands down, one of the most decadent things you can make to begin a new and special day.

butter brioche? the richness of a silky egg yolk?? the creamy tartness of crème fraîche? come on, yes pleeeez.

caviar is totally optional, but its flavor and dimension punches everything up a notch. i joked, or shall i say, i yolked…this has got to be the fanciest ritz cheese crackers on earth.

love you guys.

xo, christine

Egg yolk JAM TOAST

makes 12 bite-sized brioche toasties

ingredients

must haves

3 brioche rolls

5 eggs

chives

crème fraîche

maldon salt

(optional)

caviar!!!

special equipment: sous vide

notes

egg yolk jam

1. cooking the egg yolk: set sous vide to 148.5 in a water bath. wait until water reaches temperature before dropping in the eggs. sous vide eggs for 1 hour. after one hour, turn sous vide off, transfer eggs into a medium sized bowl, and rinse eggs under cold water until eggs become cold to the touch

2. separating the egg yolk: grab three additional small bowls; one to reserve the egg whites and one for the separated egg yolk, and one to discard the egg shells into. tap egg on a hard surface, discard the egg shells on one bowl, remove as much egg white in the other bowl using your fingers, and drop in clean egg yolk in the last bowl. *try your best to handle egg yolks as gently as possible*. repeat for remaining eggs

3. preparing egg yolk jam: using a spoon or a rubber spatula, mash and stir egg yolks together until it becomes an even jammy consistency. set aside

toast prep

1. toast: preheat oven to 350F. slice brioche rolls into 3/4” thick slices. lay onto a sheet pan and toast in the oven for 5 minutes max. keep an eye on the toast because they do burn pretty easily!

2. chives: chop/cut chives to your heart’s desire. i cut them into to the width of the toast to arrange them diagonally across

3. crème fraîche: i used a piping bag, which is totally optional and completely unnecessary, but i wanted to have a little fun with the presentation. you can use a good ol’ butter knife or spoon to spread the crème fraîche on

assembly

1. spread an even layer of egg jam on toast using the back of a spoon or smooth edged butter knife

2. pipe/spread on the crème fraîche

3. sprinkle or arrange chives atop

4. *optional* if you for some reason your heart fancies caviar, by all means, please be my guest and scoop it on

5. sprinkle maldon salt atop if you don’t go the caviar route. sprinkle sparingly if you do end up going down the caviar route!