168th hour in paris
exactly 168 hours ago, i was in brooklyn making ddukboki and sipping celebratory champagne, counting down the last minutes before i had to say my last goodbyes to new york and finally make my way to the airport.
i don’t think my driver expected to take on a passenger who would request adele on repeat and sob in the back seat for the entire 55 minute journey in the pouring rain. my last memories in new york consisted of rain hitting the windshield with the city in a blurry bokeh in the background….i know, so emo.
i showed up to the airport with puffy eyes, checked into my flight with puffy eyes, sat in the lounge with puffy eyes, and boarded the plane with puffy eyes. at both takeoff and landing, my eyes were filled to the brim with tears.
it was also assuring to know that it was that time of the month because i can’t remember the time i was this much of an emotional wreck. my heart melted into a sappy puddle over paris, just as raclette cheese would over a plate of crispy potatoes or steak.
paris might be a whatever city to you, but to me, it’s been on my life goals bucket lists ever since i can remember. i had a map of paris over my bed in college and it hung as a reminder to study hard, get a job that will pay enough to allow me to save up so that i can ball out (meaning not doing the hostel thing) in paris. for years, i wondered what a real croissant or baguette tasted like (sorry costco, no comparison) or what it would be like to sit below the eiffel tower and mesmerize at the twinkling lights (sorry las vegas, not even close). it’s almost as if all that i gravitated to in the states was an imitation of all the great things that paris had to offer.
i had saved enough money, but the timing just never seemed right to actually go. i didn’t want paris as an escape from a mediocre life. i wanted to see paris and fall in love with the city during a happy time when my heart felt deeply content. in 2015, my sister had just gotten married, i got a job at my dream company, and i was moving to new york. and so that summer, i finallllyyy went and it was everything and more than i ever imagined.
after that trip, i’d daydream about paris all the time. i was lucky enough to indulge myself every summer afterwards, and on my third year anniversary of falling in love with paris, i now live here!!!!!
this is why i’ve been so emotional. it’s really because growing up, i never thought that this exciting of a life would await me.
i’ve been feeling extra grateful and blessed, and i thank God from the bottom of my heart for being the best planner out there. when i think about all of the hardest moments and all of the closed doors, they all somehow navigated me to this point.
so some less perfect and sappy things…i’ve managed to trip and fall on a tree grate and skin my knee. i almost got hit by a car because i like to jay-walk, as every new yorker does. i lost my marbles from having to lug 5 large bags around with my sleep deprived body. i still don’t have housing.
and there sure were bits of loneliness here and there, but my week has been flooded with so much good company and the kindest people. paris is looking super bright, and i’m looking forward to getting to know my coworkers in paris who have genuinely been so sweet and welcoming. andreu will be commuting from barcelona and back once a month so we’re going to hang out aaalllll the time. and i get to hang out with emilie and her super adorable bebe, pierre!!
there’s probably a ton more that i haven’t expressed that i’m excited about..oh! yes, just about a billion of my people are coming to visit so…..these next months are going to be the absolute best (and craziest).
bah, i’m crying again.